I enjoy nothing more than binge watching a series on a day after binge drinking. You know those mornings when you wake up and have absolutely no recollection of the night earlier, than proceed to check your phone to see those ridiculous incoherent text messages you sent to numerous people? Well I'll tell you the cure for that pain in the ass hangover, a fat greasy hungry man on a bagel with a Gatorade(coming from years of experience and poor health), and roughly 5 hours in your bed while watching one of the hundreds of television series's at your disposal. I remember one morning after a night of belligerent activity with fellow blogger Themigs, we watched Curb Your Enthusiasm for about 6-7 hours, only leaving our room to go to the bathroom and get food. It was one of the most unproductive days of my life...and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Not only is watching Netflix/HBOGO great for hangovers, but they're also very useful tools to utilize when you have immense amount of downtime, say at school, or when your sick for that matter. The only better feeling after finishing a solid 5-7 hour grind sesh of watching a show is that amazing piss when you wake up in the morning, or that wonderful dump you take after you eat a shit ton of Tacobell. You get that feeling of a high when you keep watching, and when you finally think its time to stop, you don't want to. You get that withdrawel when you actually have to be a productive member of society and go to work or class. You just wanna get home and cuddle up in your bed and continue living vicariously through the eyes of the characters of whichever show your on.
Over the years I've watched a bunch of television series's on these great streaming applications, and each show was a wild ride. I just recently finished watching The Sopranos and I can say with honesty that it was the second best show I've watched in my life next to Breaking Bad. I've watched both seasons of the Netflix exclusive Orange Is The New Black (review blog down the road), the Blue Mountain State series about 3-4 times and still laugh my ass off every time Thad has that outlandish feminine yet masculine scream of his, Entourage about 3 times, East Bound and Down, Sons Of Anarchy, most of Curb Your Enthusiasm and a handful of other shows that I can't think of off the top of my head at the moment. With Sopranos over I needed to start a new show and I had a few choices but ultimately decided on Dexter which originally aired on Showtime. I started Season 1 2 days ago which was 12 episodes and as I'm currently writing this, I'm on episode 2 of Season 2. Most shows I watch are like crack, I can't get enough. I will admit the shows main character Dexter is a tad bit strange, the show is fucking awesome. It has one of the more creative storylines I've watched before. Its about a blood spatter analyst who works for the police, but has a dark dark hidden secret that only he knows about, hes a serial killer that gets rid of the "trash" and only kills those who have killed people in their life and either haven't got caught by the police or were able to get off trial. Yes, a man whose job it is to protect and serve the people of Miami, who is fabulous at his job, is also a serial killer and can't get enough of the blood. It's a pretty cool concept for a show (I'm now on episode 3, my 6th episode of the day). The first season was a wild ride, especially the last 2 episodes, on the edge of your seat shit. Highly recommend the show.
Along with Dexter, I'm juggling the new show that HBO pumped out, The Leftovers. It's pretty damn hard to get a grasp on. One random day 2% of the World's population disappeared. Literally, disappeared. One second they were on the Earth and the next they vanished like deleting the history on your internet browser after rubbing one out. There are a few people on this planet that I wouldn't mind seeing that happening to. I'm not gonna namenamesbutjustknowthattherearesome people that wouldn't be all that bad if they went poof, vanish. The show goes through the aftermath of this horrific event and how it affects the people. It's pretty strange I must say, don't fully have a grasp on it yet, but it surely an interesting watch and lots of questions that haven't been answered yet since its only 4 episodes in. I look forward to seeing what else happens this season.
Basically I'm saying Netflix and HBOGO are essential to life. If you don't agree than your probably already dead inside and are beyond saving, sucks to suck. So go out there, find a series to sink your teeth into, and start the beauty of binge watching.
First of all I would like to apologize to the cube monkeys out there for getting this blog out there super late. Today I'm going to go over the career of Tom Hanks. I figured I'd veer away from the comedy/action actors/actresses today. Tom has been in films before I was even swimming around in my Dad's nuts (1992) so he's got a bunch of miles on his illustrious career. Worldwide his movies have grossed over $8.5 Billion, making him one of the highest grossing actors in history. That's pretty God damn impressive to say the least, good for him, good for him.
I found this picture hysterical, so I put it on, this is no way shape or form a reflection of his career.
Tom busted out on the scene after his role in Big (1988). He played the role of a child who wished to become big and over night became an adult. Looking at him from the outside not knowing what happened, you would probably think he was retarded based on how he carried himself throughout society. He was a manchild. It was actually a very good film, and the numbers speak for themselves since it made $151 million worldwide which was amazing for 1988. He was also nominated for an academy award for best actor that year, which he lost to Dustin Hoffman's role in Rain Man in which he played an autistic man. Big year for the mentally disoriented roles. I did not see the movie Philadelphia (1993) but he won the academy award for his role as Andrew Beckett, so I'd say he obviously did something right. In 1994 Tom won back to back academy awards for best actor after Tom's lead role in Forrest Gump. Forrest Gump is an American classic that I've seen numerous times in my life. Tom played the aforementioned Forrest Gump and the movie was about his life and showed us what this man went through. Forrest wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree but he didn't let that affect him. He won awards from the military for serving in Vietnam, was a world renowned ping pong player, a shrimp enthusiast but most importantly showed us, the viewer, life lessons. "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get" is one of the most used sayings still, and it actually is true about life. Unless your a baby born into a family with a silver spoon in your mouth, if you're one of those kids, fuck you.
One of the rolls I will forever love Tom for was his voice as Woody in the Toy Story trilogy which started in 1995 and was concluded in 2010. I have literally nothing negative to say about Toy Story. I grew up watching them and I feel that I can relate to the "main" character Andy a lot. It showed us Andy growing up from being a little kid to going off to college. The movies focused more on Woody and Buzz and the trials and tribulations Andy's toys went through. I am not ashamed to say that I tear up every time due to the ending of Toy Story 3. It's an absolute lock that one tear will be shed, and if you don't tear up, your a ginger and have no soul. In 1998 Tom was nominated for another academy award for the WWII classic Saving Private Ryan. SPR is viewed as one of the most realistic reenactments of what it was like for the brave men who stormed the beaches of Normandy and helped win the hellacious blood bath against the Nazi regime. The first time I saw the movie was in 8th grade during Social Studies class and had to have a permission slip signed by my parents due to the blood and guts. This is another Tom Hanks movie I can't help but tear up at the end because of the historical impact plus the attachment I gained to the numerous soldiers the movie showed. Every time I snipe someones head off in a videogame, I usually say "God give me strength", paying homage to SPR's sniper who is a boss. The final battle scene fighting of the German's is riveting and unbelieveable. The only complaint is that Upham, the pussy who was supposed to supply ammo for the men didn't die.
Part 1
Part 2
In 1999 Tom was in the movie The Green Mile which also featured the late Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) and it was a great watch. Tom struck gold with his performance in Cast Away (2000). It was about a man who worked for FedEx that wound up getting stranded on an island by himself after a delivery went bad and how he handled life. Things we take for granted such as water, food, shelter, warmth, clothing and maybe most importantly, companionship, were all struggles Tom's character Chuck faced. Chuck took a volleyball from the wreckage, befriended it, and named him Wilson (the balls brand). Gravity, which was mentioned in Themigs's blog, is a complete and utter ripoff of this concept, only in space (Like Anthony said, he couldn't have hit the nail harder on the head). Tom was again nominated for an academy award for best actor for his performance, which he lost to Russell Crowe for his role in Gladiator. In 2002 he teamed up with Leo and Spielberg in Catch Me If You can which I saw for the first time in Mrs. Bennett's accounting class senior year of high school. She had absolutely no control of her class whatsoever, great times. CMIYC was an enjoyable movie based on true events. Watch it if you can, you won't be disappointed. He's also known for his voice in the Christmas movie (Yes, I said Christmas, none of that liberal "Holiday" bullshit up in this blog) Polar Express (2004), The Da Vinci Code (2006), Angels and Demons (2009), Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (2011) and most recently Captain Phillips (2013). Captain Phillips was nominated for a total of 6 academy awards, unfortunately losing all 6, but don't read much into it, it was a fabulous film. It was about a cargo ship that gets hijacked by a bunch of malnourished Somalian pirates, who resembled some of Kony's finest soldiers, and tried to make a quick buck. The rest of it's up to you to find out, I'm not giving any more of the details away. Watch it for yourself and see how the story unfolds.
This has been my longest blog, and it could have went on a lot longer talking about the career of Tom Hanks. I tried to give the man his due diligence for entertaining the millions who have seen his films over the years. He is one of the most well respected men in the biz. I wish there were more actors like Tom Hanks, everything the guy says is a stitch.
Time travel movies are generally tough to grasp and, therefore, it's tough to develop a story around them because these types of movies make no fucking sense. Time travel is an absolutely insane paradox. I mean I'd get into the logistics, but I personally believe you're better off listening to Luke Wilson's rant in Idiocracy before he hops on the train with Frido. I'd link that scene up for you but I can't find it anywhere despite my best efforts. Regardles, Looper takes place in the future where the mob sends people back to the past to get killed by hitmen, making it impossible for the murder to be traced. The problem is that in the future, the now old hitman are sent back to be killed by their younger selves. I bet the name Looper kind of makes sense now, right? Anyway, there's some Asian chick and some blonde chick who can move things with her mind and some cute little kid who's got the temper of 1000 Russell Crowes thrown into the mix in order to make a surprisingly great film.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt: People tend to not like this guy, but I think he holds his own in this movie. They fuck with his eyes a bit and give him an Edward Norton kind of look and he almost comes off as badass. Almost.
Bruce Willis: He's never let us down in the past, why would he start now?
Overall, it's a very good movie. Zero complaints, fantastic ending, not award worthy but definitely something you should devote some time to see.
This is a review I've been wanting to do, and now I finally think I am ready to give it the respect and credibility it deserves. If there was ever a show that someone in their life should watch, it's Breaking Bad. I'm going to do my best with this review even though it's going to be EXTREMELY hard to do without giving away spoilers for those who have not finished watching it or want to watch it in the future. It won numerous Television awards, including numerous Emmys and racking up a total of 101 out of the 267 total awards it was nominated for over the length of the series. So without further ado, it's time to dive in the show that made you fear and envy a man who was living with Stage 3 Lung Cancer. Yes, I said envy. Never would I envy the life of a man with such a bad hand dealt until watching this series.
I'm The One Who Knocks
Without giving up the indepth details of the show, I will give a brief synopsis. Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston) is a high school chemistry teacher who has a wife named Skylar and a son named Walt Jr who has cerebral palsy. They live in New Mexico. Walter was feeling ill and had some odd symptoms such as coughing up blood and severe dizziness. He went to the doctor to check out what was going on and it was revealed that he had Stage 3 Lung Cancer. This guy had every reason to give up on life, the only thing that kept him hanging on was the love and support of his family. Family was everything to Walt. He was doing everything he could've done to fight off this wretched sickness. He went through rounds and rounds of chemo in hopes of getting rid of the cancer, but it wasn't looking good. Walt had a year left tops. With questions about how much longer he would be around, he started thinking about how his family would survive financially without him. He was once involved in a company called Grey Matter, which he was bought out of because he wanted out, and that company turned out to a million dollar corporation, and Walt kicked himself every day for not sticking it out. While pondering and thinking of ways he could support them after his soon unfortunate demise, he came up with an idea that may be crazy enough to work. This idea was triggered after running across a former student of his that sold marijuana, Jesse Pinkman who was played by Aaron Paul. School and making an honest living was never Jesse's strong suit. Walt approached Jesse with this crazy idea of making and selling crystal meth along with Jesse's marijuana. With Walt's knowledge in chemistry and Jesse's connections in the drug world, this was an idea that seemed so farfetched and crazy enough, that it could work. Oh and the real kicker, Walt's brother in law, Hank, was a DEA agent specially trained to stop the distribution of drugs on the streets. All of this information you find out within the first few episodes, and the series wound up going 62 episodes over 5 seasons. You may think this is wild enough already, well trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Seems like a pretty crazy series, right?
Vince Gilligan is the mastermind behind Breaking Bad. I would say this is one of the most well written, creative and innovative shows I've ever watched, all bias aside. Bryan Cranston acted the role of his life. When I first started watching the show I couldn't get the image of Hal from Malcolm In The Middle out of my head, but i quickly changed my view of him. Aaron Paul who was the Robin to Bryan's Batman, also busted out on the scene into the acting world after playing a strung out drug dealer who had it out for society and didn't care about anyone except his friends. Dozens and dozens of times my jaw was on the floor due to disbelief, shock or a what the fuck moment. I've watched every episode at least 3 times and still catch things that I didn't get the first few times, or am able to connect moments from one episode to the next. This is the beauty of Breaking Bad. "Easter Eggs" are hidden throughout the show which help connect things and give clues to things that have yet to happen that all make sense once the moment happens. Even the titles of each episode contain clues when put together make sense. For example, the last episode of the series Fe-Li-Na is made from the Periodic Table of Elements. Fe is Iron which is found in blood, Li is Lithium which is found in Crystal Meth and Na is Sodium which is found in tears. Blood, Meth and Tears. That's the creativity and ingenuity used throughout the whole series, and I love it. There were so many memorable moments, lines and scenes in the show which makes this show that much more special. So if you're ever trying to find a new show to watch after you binged a series, or are hungover as hell on a Saturday afternoon, you don't need to look further than the B's in Netflix.
Magnum Reviews : 10/10, and we don't throw 10's around here like its a strip club either
P.S. - You can't tell me that Walt Jr. is a human form of Jimmy from South Park, be honest
Sorry for the hiatus folks but I really... really hate my job. Like imagine me being Peter from Office Space but instead of my life being saved by watching some fat guy croak I'm nightly staring at a bottle of ambien just waiting to end it all... Anyway I absolutely loved the movie 12 Years A Slave. Was it partly because it made me guilty for being white? Maybe. But this film was an incredible experience that makes me glad my family came from a line of Micks at the local saloon instead of group of oppressed "colored" people. Colored is politically correct right? Well anyway heres a N word free breakdown of 12 Years A Slave....
Although I often get patronized for bearing the flag of white guilt for loving this movie I clearly was not alone, as it won the oscar for best picture. Everyone who says this movie won because it was about slavery needs to go back to waiting in line to see Mark Wahlburg or the Rock saving the day in some generic fashion.
Will the Rock and Marky Mark take enough Steroids to kill Zombie Hitler? Tune in and find out!
The thing that made this movie so incredible was the phenomenal acting performances all around, and the transportation of you into another world. Solomon Northrup, the main characters, trip from a free man, to a slave of a just slave owner, to another slave owner who is not so kind really made me feel like I was immediately transported to the 1840's south. Solomons first owner was portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch, and for some UNREAL reason, they didnt use the name benedict cumberbatch as his characters name.
Benedict Cumberbatchs name just SCREAMS I am a just slave owner like wtf guys
Mixing in marquee performances by Brad Pitt and Michael Fassbender and this movie really was unreal. (Spoiler alert: Michael Fassbender aka Magneto doesnt use his powers to phyisically put chains on the slaves hes just a dick)
This scene really shows how fucking intense this movie was. (When you've seen this movie more than once this scene is comical but that just might be my fucked up mind
Every time I watch the movie Girl Next Door I now think that this guy is racist in real life. No going back buddy I'm onto you
Magnum Rating: 9.5 In other words, if you're not black and dont watch this movie youre racist!
jk....but seriously
Ps... the main actress for this won most beautiful woman in the world. Sorry did I miss something?
Candace how do you feel about interns at mortgage companies? lmk girl.
I've been a big fan of Varsity Blues for quite some time. I'm not saying it's an incredible film, I' just saying I'm a fan. It's corny, over dramatic, a bit sloppy and awkward, yet it's still awesome. Varsity Blues has been on showtime/starz/hbo about 6 times a day for the last week and I've watched it every time I've seen it on, thus giving me the inspiration to write this blog.
(From left to right: Tweeder, Billy Bob, Kilmer, Lance, Mox, and
insignificant-to-this-blog black guy)
Varsity Blues is a movie about a town down south obsessed with their high school football team, so obsessed that the players are above the law and the coach will do anything to win. When watching this movie you see the main character, Mox (short for Moxon), trying to be a normal kid and have a good time during his remaining years in high school, while he and his friends are over pressured by their coach, Kilmer, to win at all cost. When the starting QB, Lance, blows out his knee Mox gets the "chance of a lifetime" to step in and show he's no joke. But he doesn't give a fuck. He's like a less extreme Alex Moran, he's got the raw talent but doesn't care enough to do anything with it. Though generally a serious movie, the comedic relief of Tweeder and Billy Bob will having you laughing at the screen. Now I'm not fucking stupid, when watching a movie, especially alone, no one fucking laughs at the screen, but humor me here (pun intended). Tweeder is a person who, at one point in a man's life will strive to be. Watch the movie and see what I mean.
Varsity Blues is no "Miracle", but it's also no "Mighty Ducks". It probably sits right in the middle of the two. Overall, I can't give it a great grade due to pretty poor acting and ridiculous dialogue. But it's definitely a movie most people will love. Hopefully that makes some sense.
Chances are when you were growing up, you watched the WWF at least once (It's still the WWF in my eyes, fuck that dumb panda and the World Wildlife Foundation). There were the likes of the beer guzzling, middle finger flipping Stone Cold Steve Austin, the 22-0 Undefeated Deadman, The Undertaker (He still is undefeated at Wrestlemania, the refs messed up the count), and the pie eating, eyebrow raising, jabroni beating, the People's Champ, THE ROCK. The Rock is the biggest wrestler ever to succeed out of the ring, and there's no question about it. If I could switch lives with him for one day, I would do it without question. He probably gets so much puss with the beautiful temple of his body that he works endless hours a day working on. He was the most electrifying man in Sports Entertainment and he continues to bring it on the big screen.
Wrestling Career: In November of 1996, The Rock debuted in at Survivor Series, one of the
"Big 4" WWE PPVs. Athleticism was in his blood. He played football at the University of Miami as a backup to Warren Sapp (NFL HOF'er). Since he saw football wasn't his route in life, he followed his father and grandfather's route and joined wrestling. He had all the pieces necessary to become a superstar. His physique was amazing, his polarizing skills on the mic and was able to fire up the crowd like no one else could. He went through bouts with wrestling legends like Stone Cold, Mic Foley, Chris Jericho and Hulk Hogan. The Rock left in 2004 to pursue his acting career and returned to the ring 2011 for some long term part-time gigs passing the torch off to John Cena and CM Punk. He wrestled at Wrestlemania 28 and 29 facing John Cena, going 1-1, dropping the belt to him at Wrestlemania 29, which he won off of CM Punk at the 2013 Royal Rumble in January. Wrestlemania 30 was this year and he, Stone Cold and Hulk Hogan opened the show with an awesome promo that made the little child in me jump up and down in excitement. It was one of the coolest promos I've ever seen, period. He will without a doubt be inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame when the time comes, and I hope he has at least one more match left in him because he suffered some severe injuries against John Cena at Wrestlemania 29. Here are some of the most memorable and iconic moments The Rock so far in his WWE career.
Acting Career: This was perhaps the hardest step Dwayne took in his professional career, trying to go to the big screen and movies. People were very skeptic about his transition and if he would succeed... and boy did he. His movies grossed a total of $1.3 BILLION, with a B in 2013, which was the most among any actor or actress. No one can get enough of The Rock, hes a megastar. His first feature film was The Scorpion King in 2002. From there, he went on to lead in The Rundown and Walking Tall. The first serious, non action roll he played was Gridiron Gang. He played a football coach who coached a group of kids who had problems staying out of trouble off the field. He instilled faith and discipline in them, showing them someone cared about them, and thats what they needed in their life. They wound up losing in the championship game, but they won in life. It was a very feel good story, and I feel The Rock executed that role perfectly. He is well known for his roles in the Fast And Furious series. He appeared in FF 5, 6 and is currently filming 7 which is being fixed due to the tragic passing of Paul Walker (RIP). My favorite movie in which he appeared was Pain And Gain. Themigs touched on this movie in his blog yesterday so head over there and read it or watch the movie yourself, and have your mind blown away. He made me feel bad for his character, be scared of his character, laugh at his character and sympathise for his character all in the same movie. Not to mention my other Man Crush Mark Wahlberg was in it, so it was an absolute must for me to see. Hercules is scheduled to be released on July 27th, The Rock's next featured film and hes currently filming his next film San Andreas which should also be a box office giant.
I'll admit he really isn't the greatest actor, staying mainly with action rolls, but thats ok. He brings more to the table than acting, he's a huge name that draws people to the movies and sells tickets. He does his job. People pay to see him, he puts people in the seats, exactly like he did in the WWE. Dwayne is one of the biggest names in Hollywood, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. I'd pay him money to Rock Bottom or People's Elbow me, but I don't think he would need the cash because his net worth is $70 Million. I just hope to run into him one day just to say I've met The People's Champ, The Rock.
When it comes to movies it seem's everyone's a critic, am i right? Well let's have a look at five movies that I 100% disagree with the critics via Rotten Tomatoes.
1) Gravity-RT 97%
Okay, let me start by saying a few positives, the visual effects were stunning, directing was well done (Cuaron won Academy Award for Best Director) I guess you can say the acting was good being about 4 characters. George Clooney, and Sandra Bullock are the two leads and for the short time Clooney is in it he's his usual sarcastic perfect acting self and Bullock is a class act actress. The part I have a problem with is the plot, I thought it was basically Cast Away in space, but not as good. In my opinion it was an average film and I'm happy to say it was $3 movie night at school and it didn't cost me full price.
Magnum Review 6.8/10
2) American Gangster-RT 80%
American Gangster is about the story of Frank Lucas(Denzel Washington), who comes into power after his boss a prominent Harlem gangster dies. Lucas smuggles heroin into America using military planes during the Vietnam War. It's until an overdose of "Blue Magic" (the name of the heroin Lucas pushes) catches the attention of New Jersey Detective Richie Roberts(Russell Crowe) who does all he can to see that justice is served. Other cast members include, Cuba Gooding Jr, Idris Elba, Josh Brolin, Carla Gugino, and TI. In my opinion this movie has a star studded cast that fit perfectly together, and a plot that is riveting, and drama filled. Ridley Scott directs/ A film where Denzel and Crowe play off each other as enemies in a most perfect way, which leaves the audience not sure who to root for.
Magnum Review 9.0/10
3) Pain & Gain-RT 50%
Are they kidding me? Like yeah I get this movie is no Best Picture nominee but a 50 c'mon! I know Michael Bay is known for what the critics consider below average films Armageddon being one which I personally think is better than what critics make it out to be. Anyways back to Pain & Gain, Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, and Ed Harris star in a sarcastic, funny, true story about a few juice heads looking to scam people and make it rich...they almost succeed just almost. Also in my opinion The Rocks best performance. I think this film deserves more credit then it gets. See it.
Magnum Review 8.0/10
4) Flight-RT 78%
Yeah I know what you're thinking another movie with Denzel Washington in it but I can justify it don't worry. Flight is a very powerful film, that shows people the true power of addiction and how it can control a person life and how it really takes everything you have to overcome it. After a plane crash that led to a few casualties, Captain Whitaker (Washington) an alcoholic is being put on trial by the National Transportation Safety Board(NTSB) for alcohol, drug, and manslaughter charges. Alongside Denzel in this film is Don Cheadle, John Goodman, and Kelly Reilly.
Magnum Review 8.8/10
5) A Bronx Tale-RT 96%
I know I'm probably going to get some heat for this one, but give me a chance. De Niros directorial debut is by no means a flop, the film is well directed, well casted and the plot is strong. The main problem I have with is not really the film as a whole but that Rotten Tomatoes gives it the same rating as Goodfellas, In my opinion A Bronx Tale cant hold a candle to Goodfellas, but like I said I know I'm probably going to get some heat for this critique. Ill leave it at this A Bronx Tale, good...not great.
To start things off, when I say I want to live like Tony Soprano, I mean Tony Soprano and not James Gandolfini. Unfortunately he passed away last year of a heart attack which isn't so shocking when you look at the guy. I'm not here to make jokes about his death though, he was a fabulous actor that we greatly miss, RIP James. I'm here to talk about the man he personified on quite possibly HBO's biggest show ever, The Sopranos, Tony Soprano.
I know everyone is saying "Hey Andres, Sopranos ended in 2007, why the hell would you be talking about that now?" The answer is simple, I only got into it a few months ago and I'm almost done with the series. People may give me shit because its so old and that if someone tells you what happens, its like spoiling The Bible because its been out for so long. Well the show is KINDA spoiled for me already because i sort of know the ending of the show because it was so controversial, but thats not taking away from the enjoyment, excitement and suspense i get from watching each episode. Along with all of those emotions I get (including the physical emotions I get in my pants from Meadow Soprano), I also dream more and more about living the life of the man, the myth, the legend, Tony Soprano.
I've never wanted to be in a mob so bad after watching this show. I can only imagine the feeling they get in their balls when their conducting their illegal business. I'd imagine its like that feeling you get from a steep drop on a roller coaster in your stomach/ball area. They go around intimidating people like you did in The Godfather video games with guns to extort people. Having women at your feet is a pretty cool thing too. Tony owns a strip club so thats free puss as well. Tony owns a humongous New Jersey mansion paid by his families illegal mob ring. The whole lifestyle just seems awesome. Sure, its illegal, but wouldn't you wanna try it at least once if you had the option? Hell I'd do a ride around with Tony for a day, seeing a day in the life. It would more than likely include eating some awesome italian food, making bank, fucking a chick, possibly shooting someone (which I'd imagine is quite exhilarating) and getting wasted. Sounds like an awesome day to me, where do I sign up? Not to mention he's basically the head boss of the Soprano family, so he rarely gets over ruled, his word goes. And Tony took no shit, from anyone. He was one tough mother fucker as well. Here's a video of him killing one of his own guys who lied to him (Go to 3:50, Spoilers in video). Next to Walter White (which I will write a blog about in the future), he is probably the most lovable "villain" to appear on a TV show, ever. And by villain, I mean someone who is doing something that is frowned upon in society, but are idolized in the shows. I would be pretty upset if I ran into a mob boss and he wasn't like Tony Soprano, it would be like finding out Santa wasn't real, total life changing experience.
Best picture winning film Argo is at the top of my list for must see films. Ben Affleck's third feature length film (Gone Baby Gone, The Town) earned him a Golden Globe for Best Director as well as the Golden Globe for Best Picture of the Year in the Drama category. Affleck did not win the Academy Award for Best Director (Ang Lee, Life of Pi) which was a fantastic movie, KGJets has a nice article on it. Now I don''t have a problem with Affleck not winning, what I do have a problem with is the fact that he didn't even get a nomination. Never the less the film took home the award that is in the spotlight the most, and mind you it was up against some real heavy hitters, Life of Pi, Zero Dark Thirty, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, Les Miserables, as well as Amour, and Beast of the Southern Wild. Argo is a brilliant film with a cast that was second to none, a true story with highs and lows tons of drama and one of the happiest endings you'll see
Now I'm going to get into a minor plot recap, without spewing to many spoilers. The years 1979, Tehran Iran, the United States Embassy, its getting overran but angry Iranians. These Iranians were angered at the US because during their own revolution The Shah had cancer and was receiving treatment for it in the United States, thus pissing off an already pissed off country. The radicals decided to storm the Embassy and take American civilians hostage, and would not release them until the Shah was sent back to Iran. During the chaos six Americans managed to escape and able to find refuge in the Canadian Ambassadors home.
Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck) is a CIA agent, an exfils specialist, exfils short for extraction, basically making Mendez the best at getting people out of places the don't belong. After a few conferences with high level CIA personal, it appears no ideas seem to be plausible in order to safely extract the six escaped Americans.While on the phone with his son and idea sparks in Mendez head, an idea so crazy that it just might work.
Mendez contacts the head of his division Jack O'Donnell (Bryan Cranston) and fills him in on this idea. The idea is to contact real Hollywood personnel to create a "fake" movie in the hopes that Mendez can fly to Iran use the six Americans as part of his "film crew" hop on plane and bring them home. John Chambers (John Goodman) was an award winning makeup artist at the time and has worked with Mendez in the past was first called upon about the project. After Chambers was on board they needed a trusted well know, well respected film producer, Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin) fit the role perfectly. The trio began rummaging through scripts to use for their "movie" Tony seems to find the perfect fit a Star Wars knock off that takes place in the desert titled...Argo. Team sets up an entire production company, publicizes the film, hypes it up in various ads in Hollywood magazines and papers, the group goes as far to have a full reading of the script at the Beverly Hills Hotel. During this scene in the film is where we run into the ongoing joke of the movie when Siegel is approached by a reporter and doesn't like the questions hes asking him and proceeds to tell him to fuck himself in a sly way.
After the movie is green lit its crunch time for Mendez and the CIA, making fake identifications, background stories, and figuring out a way to bypass one of the most intense security stricken airports at the time. While all this is going on Iranian kids and women are sifting through the thousands of shredded documents to match up the six missing Americans faces using their government profiles. eventually Mendez gets to the Canadian ambassadors house...the rest is up to you to watch!
Argo is a movie that is not only a staple in American film with its Best Picture win, but its also a part of American history a big one at that. Its a film that is what you would consider a roller coaster ride, but not like your old wooden rickety coasters, a modern day steel track smooth ride. The movie is emotional in every aspect because there is such a strong connection with the characters and you just don't want to see them fail. Argo...best picture worthy one hundred percent.
Jonah is the loveable Hollywood actor whose weight fluxuates faster than a retarded 6 year old hyped up on mountain dew bouncing off the walls. He has been in many movies that have been viewed by millions. The amount of money they brought in can probably support his food bill for a solid 4 months. It's like he has a very deathly disease thats just eating him away, he might wanna get this checked out. Although I did bag on him at the end of my Fab 5 blog, I do actually enjoy his work. So lets dive in to his career like he does the all you can eat buffets.
We were first introduced to Jonah Hill frantically telling people to ask him about his small jewish weiner in the movie Accepted. After than, his obese star to fame started to shoot across big screens worldwide. 2007 was a big year for him. He was in 2 comedy juggernauts, Superbad and Knocked Up. He had more of a prominent main character in Superbad than he was Knocked Up, but that helped him form a nice relationship with Seth Rogan which he has appeared in movies with since than. Jonah's character in Superbad, Seth, was at a party and having a great time dancing with some hot chick. She was grinding all up on his johnson and Seth was loving it. After his grind sesh, he found out she just used him as a tampon and just spewed her period blood all over him, fucking classic. That was one of the memorable scenes from the movie that showcased Jonah's talents and set him up for stardom.
In 2009, he was alongside Adam Sandler in the Comedy/Drama Funny People. I was a fan of that movie, but it could've been cut in half and still been the same thing. It was kind of a more serious role for Jonah which was exactly what he needed to pave his way into 2 Academy Award nominated roles in the near future. Moneyball (2011) was the first serious roll Jonah had. The movie was about the Oakland Athletics and the "moneyball" theory that GM Billy Beane used to build his team that actually saw success while spending close to nothing. Billy Beane was played by Brad Pitt. After that movie I loved Brad because he packed so many lips throughout it, and that is fucking awesome. Jonah played his assistant/scout and was a key part to Beane's success with the team. This role gave Jonah his first Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor, which he lost, but it was really good for Jonah to transform his usual comedic character.
In 2012 Jonah teamed up Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street which was nice to see him continue his funny comedy roles, but with a different cast of people. They had pretty good chemistry, enough to come out with 22 Jump Street during this Summer 2014. 2013 gave Jonah his second nod at an Academy Award nomination with his roll in The Wolf Of Wallstreet working alongside the stallion of a man known as Leo Dicaprio. Jonah played a jew (which was easy for him) who worked alongside Leo in their scam to make millions off stocks while ripping people off along the way. They loved sex, drugs and partying which looked like a grand ol' time. Would've loved to have been to one of their parties. I would've been fine sitting in the corner jerking it to Leo plowing out his (NSFW) SMOKESHOW of a wife. She could have the Clap and I would still without a doubt risk it to get that biscuit, but back to Jonah. 2013 we were also presented with This Is The End in which Jonah got raped by a demon with a big big black dick. Thats the kind of stuff that happens in prison. Poor guy didn't stand a chance. This Is The End was a hysterical movie which featured a bunch of comedy stars/friends, highly recommended.
I'm excited to see what Jonah has for us in the future. He has shown that he can be a comedy genius and than perform a very serious role, something not many actors in Hollywood can do today. I will admit though I do love fat Jonah. Skinny Jonah isn't that cool, he thinks hes better than us. Stay true to your roots, stop going on these outlandish diets. Your a fat guy Jonah, embrace it, live it, love it.
P.S - I still have a boner from that Margot Robbie picture, heres a few more to get through this Humpday 1234
...aaaaaaaand now im like
One of the most debated questions is which is better, Superbad or Pineapple Express. Both of these films are piss your pants funny, have memorable moments and are very quotable. Both are made from the same group of people, so there are plenty of jokes that make you look like a full fledged retard when your laughing. I am a huge fan of both movies, I really am, but in my opinion, one of the movies reigns supreme... and thats Pineapple Express. I'm going to explain why Pineapple takes a shit on Superbad's chest for comedy supremacy.
VS.
Like I said above, I'm a fan of both and I'm not dissing Superbad. If Pineapple Express is #1, Superbad is #1A. What gets me going though is when people say that Superbad is better. They're basically spewing shit out of their pieholes. One of the reasons behind my theory is because I can never see myself in a situation like the guys of Pineapple Express were in. It was hysterical how Ted Jones sent his goons Matheson and Budlofsky after the dynamic duo of stoners in Dale and Saul. It was a huge series of unfortunate events for Mr. Denton, and thats why its funny. Superbad was something I could see myself getting into during high school (minus some of the problems they went through) with the struggle of getting alcohol to be drunk off my ass by 11pm in our friends basements like a bunch of prepubescent little shitheads.
I'm also a bigger fan of the plot in Pineapple Express. I mean the whole point of Superbad is getting alcohol for a party at a girl's house to try and impress them and it goes through their trials and tribulations of getting there. For the record, after seeing the movie I wanted to try Goldshlick Vodka and Kyle's Killer Lemonade (Tommyboy actually thought that existed, what a fucking moron). Emma Stone wasn't what she is today, she was maybe a 5?, and thats being generous. Superbad EmmaSpiderman Emma
In Pineapple, Ted Jones and his rouge african cop lady friend plug some asain guy right in the head and his brains spew all over Ted Jones's window like a container of Lo Main. They than notice Dale who is a process server, sitting outside the house frantically drive away out of fear and the movie is about Ted finding and neutralizing the witness. I'm not gonna give the whole plot away because if you haven't seen it, its a must before you die.
Here is one of my favorite scenes from Superbad.
Fogal (or McLovin) just has dead meat written all over him. It was basically a suicide mission. Kind of reminds me of this kid. Although I do admire his attempt at seeming of age by dropping the "Been drinking this stuff for years" line. Hey, at least he gave it the old college try.
And here is one of my many favorite Pineapple scenes. The whole dialog between his high school girlfriend's father and him is hysterical. Dale really thought on his head with that fake name too, Garagely was absolutely genius.
I can literally go on and on talking about these movies but it would just give everything away, and were not in that business, were in the reviewing and getting wasted business. So if you've haven't seen either one of these movies, do so, and if you've seen both you already have your opinion on which one is better. I respect everyones opinion (just kidding, if you think Superbad is better, go walk on some legos barefooted you Lemming). Now if you excuse me, I'm going to enjoy a nice plate of couscous, the food so nice, they named it twice, while fucking Jewels.
I know Jared Leto is Tommyboy's thing, but "Requiem For A dream" is the most recent movie I've watched and Tommyboy hasn't pulled the trigger on this blog yet so I'm cut in front of him. That's right, fuck you Tom. The truth is I spent a 100 or so painful minutes feeling terrible for our four main characters, who against all my might I felt incredibly sympathetic for despite the fact that everything bad that happened to them throughout the movie was brought upon them by themselves. Requiem for a Dream is a phenomenal film about drug addiction that is so bad that all hell breaks loose. Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Ellen Burstyn, and to my surprise, Marlon Wayans all make you love the characters one would normally hate: junkies so desperate for their next fix they'll suck dick and cut off their own limbs just to get high one more time. Now obviously that's a slight exaggeration but you get my point. Watch the movie and you'll know exactly what they'll do for heroin.
Going into this movie my biggest concern was Marlon Wayans. I didn't doubt his acting ability, I doubted my ability to take the man serious. I mean come on, the man played shorty in the scary movies for God's sake. But fuck me I was wrong. In a movie like this, I had no problem taking him seriously, no problem at all.
The cinematography was also brilliant. A little strange and fast paced, it almost had a "Snatch" feel to it. For example every time our characters would lift off there would almost be a sped up drug/partying montage that would glue your eyes to the screen as our characters' mainlined heroin and eyes dilated to and from the size of bowling balls.
Best of all, I was satisfied with the ending. It was a great ending. A shitty ending can completely ruin a good movie, no two ways about that. We all remember the "Law Abiding Citizen" incident of 2009. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I promise I'll write about it eventually. And if I don't, maybe my good friend Will will actually get his head out of his ass, sign onto the site, and do it for me because I know Will knows how "Law Abiding Citizen" should have ended.
In the end, this movie is a one and done for me. Don't get me wrong, this movie was awesome, but I just can't let my delicate eyes watch something as disturbing as the 'ass to ass' scene ever again. I'd recommend this movie to anyone once, and only once.
Magnum Reviews: 9.4/10
Note: The term "Lift off", which means to get high on heroin, I'm going to start using on a daily basis. I love it.
Family Guy. If you could break my childhood down to two words it would be Family Guy. From the moment I heard "I'd like 6,000 chicken fajitas please" (not pronounced how it typically is) I was hooked. The show was comedy gold. But from seasons 5 to current seasons, Family Guy has fallen off. It's just not that funny anymore. Let's recap what happened.
When family guy was first released back in 1999, it was received with somewhat mixed reviews. But the style and timing of show creator Seth McFarlane was genius. The show told the life of lovable idiot Peter Griffin who was merely trying to provide, however stupidly and neurotic he may have done so, a good life for his family. The show featured a typical (but fairly smoking) housewife, a nerdy wannabe teenage daughter, a fairly dumb teenage son with an evil monkey living in his closet, a talking dog with an affinity for martini's, and a diabolic baby with plans to kill his mother and take over the world. Take that all in.
Let's take a look at a few of the characters. Peter Griffin. Loving father and husband, toy factory worker, and lover of television. Let's get this straight. At the start Peter was an idiot, but he wasn't retarded. And when I say retarded, I mean like actually retarded. There was slight justification in his dumb actions, but nowadays they have confirmed and made Peter a full blown retard. To quote the great Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder "You go full retard, you go home empty handed." Seth McFarlane uses this ploy as a cop out to do whatever the hell he wants and as a result the show sucks big weiner now. For instance his antics went from using that toy where "the cow goes moo" on the SAT's and trying to stick his dick in a pencil sharpener to the extreme of dumb of literally blowing his fingers, trying to marry Chris to take his father-in-law's fortune, and throwing Stewie's head into a car just because he wanted to. I'm sorry, but Peter used to make the show stupid funny, but now its just retarded.
Then lets take a look at Brian. Brian, as the above mentioned photo states, was the voice of reason for Peter's idiocy. At the end of the day, Brian was Peter's guidance, his best friend and driving force to actually serve as a moral virtue at the end of an episode. Sure Brian is a talking alcoholic dog, but it worked for the show. He was man's best friend and by giving him a voice it allowed us to see that. As time has passed, he's just become an asshole. He's a super liberal cock, dick to Quagmire, and just a miserable douche who wants no one to be happy. It's just not even funny to watch and sad that this is what McFarlane has come to to even attempt to get a laugh. He's gone so far as to legitimately kill of Brian from the show. In my opinion, he should have just stuck with it and start fresh. But the fans of the show nowadays are just as retarded as the show itself.
And the last character I'll touch on is Stewie. Stewie came out of the womb seeking vengeance on Lois for thwarting his plans for world domination. And that was his role throughout the first few seasons of the show. Okay his role is far fetched, but it's not like there haven't been characters hell bent on world domination in television (almost every super villain known to man). There were the early episodes of Road to Road Island or Road to Rupert where it was a buddy buddy story between Stewie and Brian. And that's all they were, a buddy buddy story where hilarity ensues. A few seasons in though, McFarlane threw in some sexual innuendos from Stewie to flatter the idea that he might be gay. But now it isn't even a question. He's full blown gay and has a genuine love for Brian. So far as to be quoted in a conversation with Brian that, "Oh yeah, I could totally get behind that [being gay]."
To put in short, Family Guy sucks now. It's not funny. But retarded people will keep watching it because that's who it's meant for now. I hope Seth McFarlane can turn shit around soon. I doubt it.
Perhaps one of my favorite movies, Armageddon is an emotional roller coaster where one minute I'm laughing my balls off and the next minute I'm crying like my goldfish died. The movie is about a meteor about to hit the Earth and the only way to stop it is to nuke it, so NASA sends a bunch of non-astronaut rough necks who work on an oil rig up to space to drill a hole and drop the nuke in. Sounds pretty lame, right? You are right though, it does sound pretty lame. But it's not lame. It's pretty fucking wild. If you can't get behind the concept at least get behind the star studded cast which includes:
Bruce Willis (The badass oil rig boss)
Billy Bob Thornton (The NASA employee who's pretty cool unlike the douchebag government men)
Ben Affleck (Banging Bruce Willis's daughter and also Bruce Willis's 2nd in command, very controversial)
Liv Tyler (Bruce Willis's daughter who gets plowed out by Big Ben Affleck)
Will Patton (Typical Patton role: Main characters best friend, not quite in the spotlight but not easily forgotten)
Steve Buscemi (Hilarious genius who bang's anything that moves)
William Fitchner (NASA astronaut)
Owen Wilson (Hick)
Michael Clark Duncan (Jacked black guy, every movie needs a jacked black guy)
Every name there is an everyday household name without question. If your not talking about crazy eyes over morning coffee then what are you talking about? Jacked black guys real life unfortunate death? Ben Affleck as the new batman? The fat guy yelling "Yoast!" at Will Patton in Remember the Titans? How about the intense volleyball game in Meet The Parents? YA GOTTA SPIKE THOSE FOCKER! That's what I thought. Every name is indeed an everyday household name and they were all thrown into one suicide mission film with "Certainty of death, small chance of success," so, "What are we waiting for?"
On a more serious note, this movie falls into the classic storyline of the good guys having to prevail against all odds to save the world, which generally is too cliche for my liking. Even though at times it's quite unrealistic and over dramatic, Armageddon has hilarious one liners, excellent tear-jerking speeches, and incredible overall character and total movie development that turns this movie into an instant classic. I'd recommend it to anyone and everyone.
By the way, I hope you guys know that the "Certainty of death..." quote is by Gimli in LOTR, not by any characters in Armageddon.
Liv Tyler pics: 12345
Note: Liv Tyler is the real life daughter of Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. Liv Tyler is the daughter of Steve Tyler, Bruce Willis, and Elron fron LOTR. She's 1/3 rock and roll, 1/3 badass, and 1/3 elf. I wouldn't fuck with her if I was you.
*Update*
Liv Tyler was married to Royston Langdon for a little while? How the fuck did he land a chick like her?
I wont beat around the bush. Ashton Kutcher sucks. Everything about him sucks. On a good day he's a disappointing Sean William Scott knockoff and on every other day he's a skid mark on Hollywood's underwear. It is beyond me how he is still getting jobs. And yes, that was a pun relating to his role as Steve Jobs, who is probably slitting his wrists in his grave knowing who the loser is who is defining his life in his movie. I guarantee Steve Jobs would prefer Peter Dinklage to play him, not taking shots at the incredible actor that Dinklage is, but rather to show that a midget would be a more convincing portrayal of Jobs than Ashton Kutcher. Now I've never seen "Jobs" so it could be a phenomenal film, but knowing Kutcher has the main role I can assume the movie will be as big a disappointment as the rest of his career. I'll give you guys a breakdown that not only ruins Brustacus's credibility but opens your eyes to the shit that spews out of every pore of Kutcher's body.
New Years Eve: Kutcher plays himself, which is a miserable hipster. In the movie he is trapped in an elevator in his pajama's so self absorbed that he refuses to befriend or acknowledge the chick in the elevator. Now her facial features (nose, mouth, eyes, etc) are significantly too big for the rest of her face, but other than that I wouldn't deny her the fuck she was begging for. Now I know that was his character and not him persay but I feel that portion of the story consisted of the worst acting performance of the movie.
Two and a Half Men: This is where Brustacus contradicts himself. He put Charlie Sheen on his fab 5 team then immediately stabs him in the back by praising Kutcher. It's clear that the show is about two and a half times worse with Kutcher instead of Sheen. No brainer there. Sheen was a dry humor, sarcastic mastermind and Kutcher is a boring fuck.
What Happen's in Vegas: A Keanu Reeves performance carried by the gorgeous Cameron Diez. Simple as that.
Dude, Where's My Car?: Entertaining but entertaining in a "Scary movie"/"Date Movie"/ any type of parody movie kind of way. Any actor could have played his part and it would have been the same exact movie.
That's 70's Show: I don't know the show well. I hate the 70's, I hate Kutcher, and therefore, I hate the show. I assume the only actual comedy from the show comes from the Dad or Grandpa or whoever the hilarious medium old guy is.
The Butterfly Effect: Awesome movie, loved every second. Kutcher does solid. The god awful '96 Jets won one game during the 1996 season. The disgusting Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts for a few years. Aaron Boone hit a homerun against the Sox in the 2003 ALCS. Every dog has his day.
Sorry Kunis, but you have a serious case of the Julia Roberts, except your Lovett is twice the loser.
Kunis Pics: 12345
*Update*
I forgot to acknowledge the title of this post. Friday we have off for the 4th of July so the days of the week get pushed forward. Monday becomes Tuesday, Tuesday becomes Wednesday, and so on and so on. Therefore, Tuesday is Humpday, end of story.
If you grew up in the 2000's, chances are you've seen at least one episode of That 70's Show and loved Michael Kelso aka Ashton Kutcher. He was the loveable stupid member of the crew that baked out Eric's basement on the reg. Kelso also was dating one of the hottest smokes in Point Place, Wisconsin, Jackie Burkhart who was played by the ravishing Russian Mila Kunis (I will get back to her later). He was basically living the High School dream and I would trade places with him in a heart beat to have Mila Kunis as my girl friend. Even if you were living in a refrigerator box, saying Mila Kunis is your girl friend is a Hole In One on a Par 5.
Ashton than went on to playing a very similar character in the movie Dude, Where's My Car? Ashton and Seann William Scott portrayed 2 best friends who after a night of solid blacking out and winning a lifetime supply of pudding, completely forgot where their car was. Sure, the premises of the movie sounds like half retarded monkey could come up with, but I can relate. I tend to get a bit reckless myself from time to time and wake up with not a clue of what happened the night before, shame, and a puddle of puke or pizza crust bed side. This movie was a staple of my childhood. I recently watched about half of it at a party with my friends and was able to recite just about every line. From "Dude, what does mine say?!", to ZOLTAN!, there are many parts of this movie that will have you pissing your pants. I still have this movie in my Top 10 comedies that I've ever seen, and will defend it to the death of me (Which will be around the age of 39 at the rate I eat/lack of physical activity). If you've never seen this movie, you should probably stop reading this and go do so, than come back when you finish.
MTV gave Ashton his own show in 2003 when he became the host of Punk'd which was a show where celebs were set up in jokes and saw their reaction unfold in front of hidden cameras. It was a funny show to see how celebrities react when things go haywire. Ashton was in the spotlight more than ever.
In 2004, we were introduced to a side of Ashton that we have never seen, a very serious role in The Butterfly Effect. I thoroughly enjoy this movie. He has the ability to travel back in time and change things in his life for the better. He than realizes that every thing he does, something negative happens in the future that affects either him, his family, or his circle of friends. There were a few dark and twisted scenes in the movie that either kept you on the edge of your seat, or cringing in disbelief/disgust. This was the role that proved to Hollywood that Ashton wasn't just a comedy actor, and had what it took to expand his acting repertoire.
He's appeared in a bunch of other movies like Just Married, Cheaper By The Dozen, Guess Who, What Happens In Vegas, and most recently Jobs portraying the life of Steve Jobs. He now is also on the show Two and a Half Men, replacing Charlie Sheen. In 2013 Ashton also gave a speech at the Teen Choice Awards after receiving the Ultimate Choice Award (which is probably as prestegious as a pile of dog shit, but whatever) that was heard by millions and quite inspirational. Here is his full acceptance speech. Back to Mila Kunis. Life came full circle for fans of the show because now Mila and Ashton are now engaged and are expecting a child. What a lucky guy he is that he got to give his seed to such a stallion of a women. That baby is probably going to be the most beautiful person ever when their older, book it.
