400 Years of White Guilt aka (12 Years a Slave)

Sorry for the hiatus folks but I really... really hate my job. Like imagine me being Peter from Office Space but instead of my life being saved by watching some fat guy croak I'm nightly staring at a bottle of ambien just waiting to end it all... Anyway I absolutely loved the movie 12 Years A Slave. Was it partly because it made me guilty for being white? Maybe. But this film was an incredible experience that makes me glad my family came from a line of Micks at the local saloon instead of  group of oppressed "colored" people. Colored is politically correct right? Well anyway heres a N word free breakdown of 12 Years A Slave....

Although I often get patronized for bearing the flag of white guilt for loving this movie I clearly was not alone, as it won the oscar for best picture. Everyone who says this movie won because it was about slavery needs to go back to waiting in line to see Mark Wahlburg or the Rock saving the day in some generic fashion. 

Will the Rock and Marky Mark take enough Steroids to kill Zombie Hitler? Tune in and find out!

The thing that made this movie so incredible was the phenomenal acting performances all around, and the transportation of you into another world. Solomon Northrup, the main characters, trip from a free man, to a slave of a just slave owner, to another slave owner who is not so kind really made me feel like I was immediately transported to the 1840's south. Solomons first owner was portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch, and for some UNREAL reason, they didnt use the name benedict cumberbatch as his characters name.

Benedict Cumberbatchs name just SCREAMS I am a just slave owner like wtf guys

Mixing in marquee performances by Brad Pitt and Michael Fassbender and this movie really was unreal. (Spoiler alert: Michael Fassbender aka Magneto doesnt use his powers to phyisically put chains on the slaves hes just a dick)

This scene really shows how fucking intense this movie was. (When you've seen this movie more than once this scene is comical but that just might be my fucked up mind

Every time I watch the movie Girl Next Door I now think that this guy is racist in real life. No going back buddy I'm onto you

Magnum Rating: 9.5 In other words, if you're not black and dont watch this movie youre racist!

jk....but seriously

Ps... the main actress for this won most beautiful woman in the world. Sorry did I miss something? 

Candace how do you feel about interns at mortgage companies? lmk girl.