The Fab 5

This is not a blog about the 1991 Michigan Wolverine Men's Basketball team.  Although I would love to talk about Jalen Rose and the infamous Crack House incident, I'll save that for another time.  The point of this blog is a combination of what this site does, Movies/TV and Booze.  I'm here to answer the age old question of who would be the best group of guys to have the night of your life that would give Hangover 1 a run for its money. And I say Hangover 1 because who in their right mind would willingly want to go to Bangkok (Hangover 2) and party, that place is full of transexuals and poor people, no bueno.

My first selection would have to go to Thad Castle who is played by Alan Ritchson.  Thad is the star Linebacker on the dominate Blue Mountain State football team.  Not only does he kick ass on the field, but he also parties like an absolute animal and slaughters pussy.  He is such a wildcard that he takes rabies before his games to give him an extra edge.  I can only imagine the things he would do in Vegas.  He would more than likely impregnate a few women or end up in a jail cell.

My second choice would have to go to Kenny Powers who is played by Danny McBride.  Kenny Powers had a roller coaster career in the MLB, but you can't deny his lifestyle.  The guy lives everyday like its his last, making the most of everything.  He snorts coke like its going out of style, and I love that.  I'n not saying I dabble with booger sugar, or support it, but you have to admire his dedication to his craft.  He's an athlete as well, and bitches love athletes. Any guy who jetskis with topless women is welcomed on my team any day.

Steering away from the athletes, my third selection would have to be Mark Wahlberg.  You could say I have a man crush for Marky Mark, and I'm not afraid to admit it.  He's a stallion.  I know if there was a problem, Mark would have your back no matter what.  He had a wild side as a kid, beating up on minorities and not giving a fuck.  You wouldn't want to fuck with a man like Mark.  He blinded an elderly Vietnamese man when he was 16 (The dude probably had it coming, thats on you buddy).  He also is responsible for one of the best songs ever created in Good Vibrations.  If that song doesn't get your dick hard, you probably have erectile disfunction and I feel bad for you 

 Channing Tatum would get my 4th spot.  He has gained a hell of a lot of respect out of me after his roles in 21 and 22 Jump Street and changed my view of him as a pillow biting homosexual.  You know we would be surrounded by waves of gorgeous women trying to get their boxes stuffed by him.  Sex drips off of him when he wakes up in the morning.  He's probably turned down more beejs in his life than I've received.  Channing can take the 10's, I'll gladly take his 7's with a smile on my face.  Trickle down effect, pretty recognizable method made famous by Ronald Reagan.







Rounding out this squad of extraordinary gentlemen is Charlie Sheen.  His history has been well documented.  Oh he had a drug problem worse than Whitney Houston (and he's still standing, ha!) and got killed off in Two And A Half Men, but who cares? The guy just wins at life.  He has a stronger passion to get absolutely fucked up and rail out hookers than I have for Taco Bell, and thats saying something.  Sure its possible he has some STDs and illegitimate children out there, but that's how Charlie rolls.  I need this guy on my squad like yesterday.

And this rounds out my Fab 5.  I accept the fact that I would probably die if we went out one night together, but this is a risk that you have to take.  These guys don't fuck around, balls to the wall pedal to the medal action.  Do yourself a favor and wear a Go Pro that night, because it will be one for the record books. Comment below any substitutions you would make, or if you would go with a completely different 5.

P.S. - I really thought about putting Jonah Hill in there just because he's fatter than me and it would make me look better, he just doesn't bring anything else to the table. Step up your game Jonah