Breaking Bad

This is a review I've been wanting to do, and now I finally think I am ready to give it the respect and credibility it deserves.  If there was ever a show that someone in their life should watch, it's Breaking Bad.  I'm going to do my best with this review even though it's going to be EXTREMELY hard to do without giving away spoilers for those who have not finished watching it or want to watch it in the future.  It won numerous Television awards, including numerous Emmys and racking up a total of 101 out of the 267 total awards it was nominated for over the length of the series.  So without further ado, it's time to dive in the show that made you fear and envy a man who was living with Stage 3 Lung Cancer.  Yes, I said envy.  Never would I envy the life of a man with such a bad hand dealt until watching this series.

I'm The One Who Knocks

Without giving up the indepth details of the show, I will give a brief synopsis.  Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston) is a high school chemistry teacher who has a wife named Skylar and a son named Walt Jr who has cerebral palsy.  They live in New Mexico.  Walter was feeling ill and had some odd symptoms such as coughing up blood and severe dizziness.  He went to the doctor to check out what was going on and it was revealed that he had Stage 3 Lung Cancer.  This guy had every reason to give up on life, the only thing that kept him hanging on was the love and support of his family.  Family was everything to Walt.  He was doing everything he could've done to fight off this wretched sickness.  He went through rounds and rounds of chemo in hopes of getting rid of the cancer, but it wasn't looking good.  Walt had a year left tops.  With questions about how much longer he would be around, he started thinking about how his family would survive financially without him.  He was once involved in a company called Grey Matter, which he was bought out of because he wanted out, and that company turned out to a million dollar corporation, and Walt kicked himself every day for not sticking it out.  While pondering and thinking of ways he could support them after his soon unfortunate demise, he came up with an idea that may be crazy enough to work. This idea was triggered after running across a former student of his that sold marijuana, Jesse Pinkman who was played by Aaron Paul.  School and making an honest living was never Jesse's strong suit.  Walt approached Jesse with this crazy idea of making and selling crystal meth along with Jesse's marijuana.  With Walt's knowledge in chemistry and Jesse's connections in the drug world, this was an idea that seemed so farfetched and crazy enough, that it could work.  Oh and the real kicker, Walt's brother in law, Hank, was a DEA agent specially trained to stop the distribution of drugs on the streets.  All of this information you find out within the first few episodes, and the series wound up going 62 episodes over 5 seasons.  You may think this is wild enough already, well trust me, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  Seems like a pretty crazy series, right?  

Vince Gilligan is the mastermind behind Breaking Bad.  I would say this is one of the most well written, creative and innovative shows I've ever watched, all bias aside.  Bryan Cranston acted the role of his life.  When I first started watching the show I couldn't get the image of Hal from Malcolm In The Middle out of my head, but i quickly changed my view of him.  Aaron Paul who was the Robin to Bryan's Batman, also busted out on the scene into the acting world after playing a strung out drug dealer who had it out for society and didn't care about anyone except his friends.  Dozens and dozens of times my jaw was on the floor due to disbelief, shock or a what the fuck moment.  I've watched every episode at least 3 times and still catch things that I didn't get the first few times, or am able to connect moments from one episode to the next.  This is the beauty of Breaking Bad.  "Easter Eggs" are hidden throughout the show which help connect things and give clues to things that have yet to happen that all make sense once the moment happens.  Even the titles of each episode contain clues when put together make sense.  For example, the last episode of the series Fe-Li-Na is made from the Periodic Table of Elements.  Fe is Iron which is found in blood, Li is Lithium which is found in Crystal Meth and Na is Sodium which is found in tears.  Blood, Meth and Tears.  That's the creativity and ingenuity used throughout the whole series, and I love it.  There were so many memorable moments, lines and scenes in the show which makes this show that much more special.  So if you're ever trying to find a new show to watch after you binged a series, or are hungover as hell on a Saturday afternoon, you don't need to look further than the B's in Netflix.

Magnum Reviews : 10/10, and we don't throw 10's around here like its a strip club either

P.S. - You can't tell me that Walt Jr. is a human form of Jimmy from South Park, be honest 

1 2

400 Years of White Guilt aka (12 Years a Slave)

Sorry for the hiatus folks but I really... really hate my job. Like imagine me being Peter from Office Space but instead of my life being saved by watching some fat guy croak I'm nightly staring at a bottle of ambien just waiting to end it all... Anyway I absolutely loved the movie 12 Years A Slave. Was it partly because it made me guilty for being white? Maybe. But this film was an incredible experience that makes me glad my family came from a line of Micks at the local saloon instead of  group of oppressed "colored" people. Colored is politically correct right? Well anyway heres a N word free breakdown of 12 Years A Slave....

Although I often get patronized for bearing the flag of white guilt for loving this movie I clearly was not alone, as it won the oscar for best picture. Everyone who says this movie won because it was about slavery needs to go back to waiting in line to see Mark Wahlburg or the Rock saving the day in some generic fashion. 

Will the Rock and Marky Mark take enough Steroids to kill Zombie Hitler? Tune in and find out!

The thing that made this movie so incredible was the phenomenal acting performances all around, and the transportation of you into another world. Solomon Northrup, the main characters, trip from a free man, to a slave of a just slave owner, to another slave owner who is not so kind really made me feel like I was immediately transported to the 1840's south. Solomons first owner was portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch, and for some UNREAL reason, they didnt use the name benedict cumberbatch as his characters name.

Benedict Cumberbatchs name just SCREAMS I am a just slave owner like wtf guys

Mixing in marquee performances by Brad Pitt and Michael Fassbender and this movie really was unreal. (Spoiler alert: Michael Fassbender aka Magneto doesnt use his powers to phyisically put chains on the slaves hes just a dick)

This scene really shows how fucking intense this movie was. (When you've seen this movie more than once this scene is comical but that just might be my fucked up mind

Every time I watch the movie Girl Next Door I now think that this guy is racist in real life. No going back buddy I'm onto you

Magnum Rating: 9.5 In other words, if you're not black and dont watch this movie youre racist!

jk....but seriously

Ps... the main actress for this won most beautiful woman in the world. Sorry did I miss something? 

Candace how do you feel about interns at mortgage companies? lmk girl.

Varsity Blues

I've been a big fan of Varsity Blues for quite some time. I'm not saying it's an incredible film, I' just saying I'm a fan. It's corny, over dramatic, a bit sloppy and awkward, yet it's still awesome. Varsity Blues has been on showtime/starz/hbo about 6 times a day for the last week and I've watched it every time I've seen it on, thus giving me the inspiration to write this blog.

(From left to right: Tweeder, Billy Bob, Kilmer, Lance, Mox, and 

insignificant-to-this-blog black guy)

Varsity Blues is a movie about a town down south obsessed with their high school football team, so obsessed that the players are above the law and the coach will do anything to win. When watching this movie you see the main character, Mox (short for Moxon), trying to be a normal kid and have a good time during his remaining years in high school, while he and his friends are over pressured by their coach, Kilmer, to win at all cost. When the starting QB, Lance, blows out his knee Mox gets the "chance of a lifetime" to step in and show he's no joke. But he doesn't give a fuck. He's like a less extreme Alex Moran, he's got the raw talent but doesn't care enough to do anything with it. Though generally a serious movie, the comedic relief of Tweeder and Billy Bob will having you laughing at the screen. Now I'm not fucking stupid, when watching a movie, especially alone, no one fucking laughs at the screen, but humor me here (pun intended). Tweeder is a person who, at one point in a man's life will strive to be. Watch the movie and see what I mean.

Varsity Blues is no "Miracle", but it's also no "Mighty Ducks". It probably sits right in the middle of the two. Overall, I can't give it a great grade due to pretty poor acting and ridiculous dialogue. But it's definitely a movie most people will love. Hopefully that makes some sense.

Magnum Reviews: 7/10

*Note* There are tits in this film (NSFW)

Argo Fuck Yourself

Best picture winning film Argo is at the top of my list for must see films. Ben Affleck's third feature length film (Gone Baby Gone, The Town) earned him a Golden Globe for Best Director as well as the Golden Globe for Best Picture of the Year in the Drama category. Affleck did not win the Academy Award for Best Director (Ang Lee, Life of Pi) which was a fantastic movie, KGJets has a nice article on it. Now I don''t have a problem with Affleck not winning, what I do have a problem with is the fact that he didn't even get a nomination. Never the less the film took home the award that is in the spotlight the most, and mind you it was up against some real heavy hitters, Life of Pi, Zero Dark Thirty, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, Les Miserables, as well as Amour, and Beast of the Southern Wild. Argo is a brilliant film with a cast that was second to none, a true story with highs and lows tons of drama and one of the happiest endings you'll see

Now I'm going to get into a minor plot recap, without spewing to many spoilers. The years 1979, Tehran Iran, the United States Embassy, its getting overran but angry Iranians. These Iranians were angered at the US because during their own revolution The Shah had cancer and was receiving treatment for it in the United States, thus pissing off an already pissed off country. The radicals decided to storm the Embassy and take American civilians hostage, and would not release them until the Shah was sent back to Iran. During the chaos six Americans managed to escape and able to find refuge in the Canadian Ambassadors home.

Tony Mendez (Ben Affleck) is a CIA agent, an exfils specialist, exfils short for extraction, basically making Mendez the best at getting people out of places the don't belong. After a few conferences with high level CIA personal, it appears no ideas seem to be plausible in order to safely extract the six escaped Americans.While on the phone with his son and idea sparks in Mendez head, an idea so crazy that it just might work.

Mendez contacts the head of his division Jack O'Donnell (Bryan Cranston) and fills him in on this idea. The idea is to contact real Hollywood personnel to create a "fake" movie in the hopes that Mendez can fly to Iran use the six Americans as part of his "film crew" hop on plane and bring them home. John Chambers (John Goodman) was an award winning makeup artist at the time and has worked with Mendez in the past was first called upon about the project. After Chambers was on board they needed a trusted well know, well respected film producer, Lester Siegel (Alan Arkin) fit the role perfectly. The trio began rummaging through scripts to use for their "movie" Tony seems to find the perfect fit a Star Wars knock off that takes place in the desert titled...Argo. Team sets up an entire production company, publicizes the film, hypes it up in various ads in Hollywood magazines and papers, the group goes as far to have a full reading of the script at the Beverly Hills Hotel. During this scene in the film is where we run into the ongoing joke of the movie when Siegel is approached by a reporter and doesn't like the questions hes asking him and proceeds to tell him to fuck himself in a sly way.

After the movie is green lit its crunch time for Mendez and the CIA, making fake identifications, background stories, and figuring out a way to bypass one of the most intense security stricken airports at the time. While all this is going on Iranian kids and women are sifting through the thousands of shredded documents to match up the six missing Americans faces using their government profiles. eventually Mendez gets to the Canadian ambassadors house...the rest is up to you to watch!

Argo is a movie that is not only a staple in American film with its Best Picture win, but its also a part of American history a big one at that. Its a film that is what you would consider a roller coaster ride, but not like your old wooden rickety coasters, a modern day steel track smooth ride. The movie is emotional in every aspect because there is such a strong connection with the characters and you just don't want to see them fail. Argo...best picture worthy one hundred percent.

Magnum Rating 9.6/10

Requiem For A Dream: A One And Done

I know Jared Leto is Tommyboy's thing, but "Requiem For A dream" is the most recent movie I've watched and Tommyboy hasn't pulled the trigger on this blog yet so I'm cut in front of him. That's right, fuck you Tom. The truth is I spent a 100 or so painful minutes feeling terrible for our four main characters, who against all my might I felt incredibly sympathetic for despite the fact that everything bad that happened to them throughout the movie was brought upon them by themselves. Requiem for a Dream is a phenomenal film about drug addiction that is so bad that all hell breaks loose. Jared Leto, Jennifer Connelly, Ellen Burstyn, and to my surprise, Marlon Wayans all make you love the characters one would normally hate: junkies so desperate for their next fix they'll suck dick and cut off their own limbs just to get high one more time. Now obviously that's a slight exaggeration but you get my point. Watch the movie and you'll know exactly what they'll do for heroin.

Going into this movie my biggest concern was Marlon Wayans. I didn't doubt his acting ability, I doubted my ability to take the man serious. I mean come on, the man played shorty in the scary movies for God's sake. But fuck me I was wrong. In a movie like this, I had no problem taking him seriously, no problem at all.

The cinematography was also brilliant. A little strange and fast paced, it almost had a "Snatch" feel to it. For example every time our characters would lift off there would almost be a sped up drug/partying montage that would glue your eyes to the screen as our characters' mainlined heroin and eyes dilated to and from the size of bowling balls.

Best of all, I was satisfied with the ending. It was a great ending. A shitty ending can completely ruin a good movie, no two ways about that. We all remember the "Law Abiding Citizen" incident of 2009. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I promise I'll write about it eventually. And if I don't, maybe my good friend Will will actually get his head out of his ass, sign onto the site, and do it for me because I know Will knows how "Law Abiding Citizen" should have ended.

In the end, this movie is a one and done for me. Don't get me wrong, this movie was awesome, but I just can't let my delicate eyes watch something as disturbing as the 'ass to ass' scene ever again. I'd recommend this movie to anyone once, and only once.

Magnum Reviews: 9.4/10

Note: The term "Lift off", which means to get high on heroin, I'm going to start using on a daily basis. I love it.

Armageddon

Perhaps one of my favorite movies, Armageddon is an emotional roller coaster where one minute I'm laughing my balls off and the next minute I'm crying like my goldfish died. The movie is about a meteor about to hit the Earth and the only way to stop it is to nuke it, so NASA sends a bunch of non-astronaut rough necks who work on an oil rig up to space to drill a hole and drop the nuke in. Sounds pretty lame, right? You are right though, it does sound pretty lame. But it's not lame. It's pretty fucking wild. If you can't get behind the concept at least get behind the star studded cast which includes:

• Bruce Willis (The badass oil rig boss)
• Billy Bob Thornton (The NASA employee who's pretty cool unlike the douchebag government men)
• Ben Affleck (Banging Bruce Willis's daughter and also Bruce Willis's 2nd in command, very controversial)
• Liv Tyler (Bruce Willis's daughter who gets plowed out by Big Ben Affleck)
• Will Patton (Typical Patton role: Main characters best friend, not quite in the spotlight but not easily forgotten)
• Steve Buscemi (Hilarious genius who bang's anything that moves)
• William Fitchner (NASA astronaut)
• Owen Wilson (Hick)
• Michael Clark Duncan (Jacked black guy, every movie needs a jacked black guy)

Every name there is an everyday household name without question. If your not talking about crazy eyes over morning coffee then what are you talking about? Jacked black guys real life unfortunate death? Ben Affleck as the new batman? The fat guy yelling "Yoast!" at Will Patton in Remember the Titans? How about the intense volleyball game in Meet The Parents? YA GOTTA SPIKE THOSE FOCKER! That's what I thought. Every name is indeed an everyday household name and they were all thrown into one suicide mission film with "Certainty of death, small chance of success," so, "What are we waiting for?"

On a more serious note, this movie falls into the classic storyline of the good guys having to prevail against all odds to save the world, which generally is too cliche for my liking. Even though at times it's quite unrealistic and over dramatic, Armageddon has hilarious one liners, excellent tear-jerking speeches, and incredible overall character and total movie development that turns this movie into an instant classic. I'd recommend it to anyone and everyone.

By the way, I hope you guys know that the "Certainty of death..." quote is by Gimli in LOTR, not by any characters in Armageddon.

Liv Tyler pics: 1 2 3 4 5
Note: Liv Tyler is the real life daughter of Steve Tyler of Aerosmith. Liv Tyler is the daughter of Steve Tyler, Bruce Willis, and Elron fron LOTR. She's 1/3 rock and roll, 1/3 badass, and 1/3 elf. I wouldn't fuck with her if I was you.

*Update*
Liv Tyler was married to Royston Langdon for a little while? How the fuck did he land a chick like her?

Andy Dufresne Who Crawled Through A River of Shit And Came Out Clean On The Other Side

               Twenty years ago, shortly after my first birthday a movie was released that would later go on to become one of the best movies of all time: "The Shawshank Redemption." Now mind you this film did not win best picture but I will argue to the bitter end that it certainly deserved it. The Shank as I like to call it lost to Forrest Gump, don't get me wrong Forrest Gump is a fantastic movie and a great cast but that too can be said for The Shank. Director Frank Darabont's vision provided for captivating adaption on Steven Kings story titled Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption.

               The Shawshank Redemption isn't just a movie about a prison escape, but on the true bond of friendship. Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) And Ellis Boyd Redding (Morgan Freeman) meet at Shawshank prison and right away hit it off. Dufresne was sent to prison after being convicted of killing his wife and the person she was cheating on him with. Red as he was nicknamed considered himself as the only guilty man in Shawshank as it was an ongoing joke between the other inmates on how no one who is actually in the prison is "guilty". As the movie progresses you have you usual conflicts and problems but the bond between Andy and Red continues to grow strong.

            The tipping point in the movie happens when a new inmate arrives at Shawshank prison. A younger man Tommy is sentenced to prison for breaking and entering, he's been in and out of prison for all his life he tell the guys. During one of his stints elsewhere his cell mate told him a story on two people that he killed, leading to the truth on what really happened to Andy's wife proving his complete innocence.

           After hearing the story told by Tommy Dufresne approaches the hard ass warden, Warden Norton (Bob Gunton) since Dufresne being a successful banker before being sent to prison helps the Warden with his various financial ventures immediately disregards his claims tho his innocence. For Dufresne's outburst Warden Norton has him sent to solitary confinement for quite a long stint. After his time in the hole as they call it Andy had a conversation with Red that in my opinion is one of the best parts in the movie, yielding us with one of the greatest lines in movie history..."Get busy living or get busy dying".
 
            That night after the iconic conversation and choice was made by Andy, a choice that would liberate him from the institution that took away nearly twenty years of his life. Once again he was a free man, a man on his way to Mexico to start new life, a life of freedom.

             Now going back to my claims against Forrest Gump...Forrest Gump without question did deserve the nomination for best picture, a feel good story, a story that covers significant parts in history and how a mans life is intertwined within some of Americas biggest events. It also is a very emotional film. But to me Gump forced you to be emotional with how things played out as the film ran it's course. Comparing that to Shawshank, which delivers an emotional connection you cant fight or even given the choice to fight it, emotion that overwhelms you, overwhelms you right to the very  end due to the fact you connect so strongly with the characters and root for them the entire time, and when that final scene happens all you can do is smile and think back on all the events these two men have been through together and to see them have that chance to reunite and pickup right where they left off just makes the movie worthwhile in itself.

Magnum Rating: 9.8/10 (Damn Near Perfect)